6 | SBH Caring
FOR YOUR
Health
This story tells the experience of
one Bronx family faced with the
dilemma of caring for a relative with
Alzheimer’s disease.
At SBH, we look after all of the health
needs that older adults may have
through our Senior Health Center.
Working closely with family and
friends, we help our patients stay
active and independent.
M
y husband and I live just a few
blocks from my Mom and Dad.
We really didn’t imagine that they
might need our help so we contented
ourselves to visiting on weekends and
holidays. We had plenty of time to
spend on our children and our own lives.
All that changed one day when Mom
called to say that Dad wasn’t quite
“right” and seemed to be more and
more forgetful. She discovered that he
had failed to pay the phone bill and,
once, he had been brought home by a
kind neighbor who saw him standing
alone and confused in the street. Mom
said she had known his memory was
poor for a while, and she thought he
was just getting old. But, the next night
he woke up at 2 am, got fully dressed
thinking it was morning, and tried to
walk out the door. He insisted that he
had to go to the post office. Although
she was able to stop him, she was very
upset and worried.
I began stopping off at the market each
evening to be sure Mom had everything
she needed because she was not
willing to leave the house even to shop,
Managing Alzheimer ’s:
A CAREGIVER’S STORY
As told to Joel Sender, MD, Division Director, Geriatrics
SBH Caring
FOR YOUR
Health | 7
afraid that Dad might wander out of
the house. I began to spend so much
time helping Mom that my husband had
to start picking up the children after
school. Soon, my husband and I were
alternating spending the night sleeping
on Mom and Dad’s couch – just to give
them some sense of security. But Dad’s
memory and behavior continued to get
worse and in a few months it was clear
that we needed help. Only, we had no
idea where to turn.
My parents had visited just one family
doctor for many years, but he had
retired and they had not found anyone
to replace him. They were reluctant to
go to a “new” doctor and I didn’t know
any of the staff at the new walk-in clinic
down the street.
Things became really difficult when Dad
began to get angry when we stopped
him from leaving the apartment. He kept
saying he was going to visit his mother,
although Grandma had passed away
25 years earlier.
One day, he was so confused and angry
he tried to hit Mom. It was the saddest
day when we thought that it was
possible Dad might no longer be able
to live at home. We never imagined we
could even think about this, but Mom’s
safety was also important.
We knew that this wasn’t a life
threatening illness, but it was serious,
and it was tearing our family apart.
We took Dad to the emergency room
at St. Barnabas Hospital. The doctors
and nurses listened patiently to our
story and then we were introduced
to a geriatric nurse practitioner. He
asked questions about how we lived,
Dad’s health, his medical conditions,
his medications, and our ability and
desire to continue to care for him. It
was so informative and helpful to talk
about the things that matter every day
with medical professionals who truly
understood our problem.
They told us that it wasn’t necessary
for Dad to live elsewhere – that we
had all the resources we needed to
successfully care for him at home
where he belonged. We were
referred by the Senior Health Center
where we met a team of health
professionals, geriatricians, geriatric
nurse practitioners, a pharmacist,
social worker, and patient navigators
dedicated to senior patients and fully
aware of Dad’s problems and our
family predicament.
We received excellent counseling from
the case manager and were introduced
to the wonderful people at CaringKind:
the leading source of Alzheimer’s and
dementia care counseling in New York.
They taught us how to cope with Dad’s
behavior and wishes, how to plan for
his and Mom’s financial future, and
how to deal with emergencies.
The Senior Health Center
recommended we enroll Dad in
the Adult Day Care program. That
worked out wonderfully as he now
spends five days each week supervised
by a nurse, gets to be socially and
physically active and also has two
meals each day. He even goes on
trips with the group.
It is now three years later and Dad still
lives at home. His memory has slowly
declined and we have to help pick out
his clothes each day. But, there are no
more arguments now. Mom is safe and
not worried anymore. My husband and I
still visit regularly, but we all now know
what to do and what our roles are so
our lives are less hectic. We don’t get
those emergency calls anymore and,
most important, my father is living in
his own apartment with my mother and
they are both aging peacefully.
“Things became really difficult when Dad began to get angry
when we stopped him from leaving the apartment. He kept
saying he was going to visit his mother – although Grandma
had passed away 25 years earlier.”
